What follows is one of the greatest arcillogical finds of all time, the "Lost Gospel of JandBas. Found in an ancient dwelling in the hills of Oak Lawn, preserved and translated nearly 2000 years after J and B dominated the earth. Although as much as half of this original document had fallen apart, we have been able to recover enough to give a good rendition of what it was like to be a J and B'r back in the early days of Trivianity. For the frst time in almost 20000 years, enjoy the almost complete Gospel Of JandBas.
A last book is still to be translated by National Geographic. Maybe to-morrow. Certainly not to-day.
The Lost Gospel Of JandBas
Book One
1 One of the disciples asked of the Benk: "Benk- (why was it) that the mindworms, despite following your teachings ... (for a long time)... were nor able to cast down their evil opponents in the first of the two halves that we stayed in the village of TC?"
2 The Benk replied "Because when you are but one, and his chemicals cannot cover for the entire half by himself, then points will be lost"
(3-10 Lost)
11 "But Benk," cried one of the disciples, " this is such a deeply beautiful place, for the second fortnite (in a row). We wish to-gather (here)....... to worship the beau(ties ) , as there are so many??
12 And Benk replied " I say to you to-nite, Chemical man, you will walk over to the Trez's and have a conversation with them to-nite, because (you know) that this is The Way."
13 "But Benk", he replied, "What chance do (I) have ....... we all know you as well will be right over there trying the same on them?"
14 But the Benk did not reply (as he was) talking (with) the woman ......... already...........
(15-18 lost)
Book Two
1 But by then, three disciples of the Benk had arrived, to fufill the prophecy "When three of you get to-gether in my name for trivia, you shall call yourself 'J & B'." 2 The Benk went on, "If the first half (is terrible), and (one) knows not of T(v), Sports Illus(trated), and Locations, then pluck it out of the game and (play) hard the second half."
3 "But Benk,", asked one of the disciples, "What if we use (all of our four throws)......... (in)..... the first half?"
4 The Benk replied "If your throws are bothering you, meaning can often be derivered by using your crucifexman option"
5"But My Benk", the disciples asserted, "we never even used the crucifixman, even when both GF Magdeline and The Chemical Man who the Benk Loved most tried to get Judahilts to use it."
6 "Then answer the questions that the Benk asks you", The Benk replied.
(7-15 lost)
Book Three
1Then The benk began to teach:
2"Blessed be those who know," (He began ) "who was (a Sox)er and defeated his foe by allowing them to hit him but once, in 2001?"
3 "Blessed is he who knows Tori Amos's (birth year), for they shall have posters of her on their ceiling."
4 "Blessed be those who know who got their 3000 hit against Montreal in 1999, for they know it is not Cal (Ripken)."
5 "Blessed be those who know which (Cub)? hit for the cycle in 1987- may Ken Holtzmen throw no hiters forever."
6 "Blessed be those who know Al Secords wife's lover, who (laboured) ........ (both teams)... (of the)...... Bears. May she have been a good lay/good lay."
7 "Blessed be those who know what event happened on 1 Jan, 1994 in Chicago sports history, for they shall be like J and B and get the points on this question?"
8 And finally,
"Blessed be those who know the commonest eye colour in....... (w)orld- for they shall get the easy points for this question (instead) of J and B".
Book Four
1 "But Benk,", the disciples cried, "What good is it if we ........ (enter)? the final question last in points but in an ...... (evenly) ..............balanced game between the four areas of ancient Palestine?"
2 The Benk replied "You must bet the classic, and then ....... answer (the following) ...... questions correctly" The Benk then went into a stance as that of Rodhin's Thibker for five mintes before he finally started to write down the questions (into a codex) :
3 "Which delightful female starred in Tomb Raider?"
4 "Which Eastwood film won best director in 90's?"
and
5 "Name two of three Ghostbusters (male)...... stars?"
(6-12 lost)
Book Five
(1 -12 lost)
13 ....... (rose) .... on the St. Bedes Day, and raised into ..........(even) though they may not have won on this day.....
((14-17 lost)
6 comments:
Ackroyd and Hugo Chavez
Guesses from a heathen:
Sox 1-hitter:James Baldwin
3000th hit:Tony Gwynn
Cub cycle:Mark Grace
Bastard nailing Big Al's wife:William Perry (leading to the famous Secord/Fridge 3-fight game)
1/1/94: Blackhawks trade Ed Belfour to San Jose
Eye Color: blue
Final: Angelina Jolie, Unforgiven, Bill Murray/Dan Ackroyd/Harold Ramis
I think Mark Grace is still the last Cub to hit for the cycle, but it was on Mother's Day in 1992 or 1993 (a Sunday in May). Thus, for 1987 I would say Andre Dawson.
If Benky ever asks for the Cub cycle in 1980 it was Ivan DeJesus. If the question is two Cubs in the same year, it was Billy Williams and Randy Hundley.
Was that really a final jeopardy question, or a "smarter than a fifth grade trivia expert" question? Should we memorize who was in Star Wars for next time?
notes from benkowski trivia at mulligans 2/01/08 the crowd and benkowski are much more subdued than tcspub. it really shows how kerney meats and the bar piss benkowski off. questions were repeated. suprising hangman was used. questions were pretty much standard fare, people wereclueless as to south suburban locations. m ost interesting answer by a team : hit for cycle forcubs in 87 : ernie banks (it was dawson) or late 80s early 90s bear who was having affair withblackhawks player's wife (before their divorce)
final question was a bit of a strange one.90s music, movies 80s- present, cubs.
no one chose the music.
move questions were obviously easyname
2 actors from ghostbusters movie, etc.
cubs question were biased.
brithplace of carlos marmol
number of starts ted lilly had before 2000.
number of games mark derosa started as pittsburgh qb.
um... who won?
i tried alta vista translations but it didnt work.
I thought that this recap was written in Swahili?
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