delisuions

I can be terrible. there is a coworker @ school is really big. Really big women. In my world, in which I do no exercise (except starvation, i guess) so i have no real reason to judge, I always thought that she should exercise or walk or whatever to get off the weight.

Disabusement, in a horrible fashion.

I found out that she had cancer, and the weight ballooning has to do with that. Sheesh, what a fuck I felt I was.

But I write this more on my ?deteriorating? mind quality.

This, I swear to God, is my instaneous impulse when I found out that it was cancer:

"I have to touch her affliction, and she will be healed."

I swear to God -or, well, I guess, myself - that that was my initial impulse. So, I've gone from writing about Jesus to thinking I am him. Not Good.

But next month when I see her? Fucks fer sure I'ma gonna instantly touch her arm. And if that doesn't work, she will know me by my other, more human means. Meaning I will be twice as nice to her. She's a good woman. And I wish I was......... well, a better person.........and not just in my delusions.