I was thinking of someone lately (well, 2m ago now) who had had a nickname back in the day. This led me to thinking of all the nicknames we had for people back in the day. What follows is a partial list, but most of the best (and those that fit a literary need) are represented here. I'm not gonna be my usual insufferable self and say "we had the greatest nicknames of anytime ever", but here is an attempt to document some.
There was a guy who had hair in the style of Rod Stewart circa 1978 and the last name of Richards; he was known as Rod Richards. There was a guy who lived in an alley house and had long dirty fingernails on the ends of his weirdly scarred arms; he was known as The Lighthouse Man. There was a kid who carried most of his prodigious weight around his midsection; he was known as The Bigman.
Famous names abounded. Some were named because they resembled famous people; I went to high school with Joe Montana, Michael Palin, and The Fonz. Others were so named just cause it sounded rite; grammar school included Hitler, El Greco and Mick Guinness. Blotto lived on California.
But listen: it wasn't just boys who got names. There was a girl whose reputation was, shall we say, delightfully challenged; she was known as Grab Bag. There was the Little Sister to a girl Hilts had a really big crush on in 7th and 8th Grade; she was known as Splinks. Spur of the moment tagging going on back there, I do declare. And, of course, there were The Silo Sisters. Silo why? Silo no why.
There was a guy seriously off who always went around asking for cigarettes; he was known as Tony Moke, although some called him Tony the Moke . There was a kid who jets and army stuff; he was called Adolph or Ades for short. There was a deeply delusional dude who was certain he was some sort of priest and walked around wearing mad amounts of buttons of popes, bishops, and priests; he was famously feted as Father Bob.
Teachers and coaches got names. I had Vindow for fourth grade and Bubba for ninth. I had Skippy for science and track. One of my football coaches was Smelly Guster. And speaking of sports, I played football with Head and Doe Doe, ran on the track that had w/ Orange Cap, and still compete in trivia with the Flying Toothpick and Big Tit .
And other girls got names. There was a girl who had cavewoman like features; she was known as Dawn of Man. There was one girl with the rep of being spoiled as shit: she was known as Spoiled Milk. And then there was Brenda get your belt, presumably because ..........um...........shit, I dunno.
There was two sets of twins. The girl set were like whisps of air growing up. They were wonderfully known as The Skinny Minnies. The boys were called ……………… em……… well, alright…………… The Twins It had a logic to its own.
All sorts of literary devices were used in nicknames. Goose G. and Tommy T. and Pauly Pavillion were exceptional examples of alliteration, while Chris Piss and Jill Dill (aka Dildo) great showcases for internal rhyme. Throw the Skinny Minnies in that category too. Given time, I bet I could find that JJK and EZD are grammatical somethings.
There was one unfortunate woman lived in a garden apartment. She was regularly visited by crowds of horny boys who were attracted to this not-that -attractive woman simply because they could look down into her apartment and spyglass. Cold days, hot days, autumn afternoons, summer nites--hell, it coud have been miserable pouring freezing rain days if she was wearing something rite- there were organized treks to the viewing windows. There, right on the street, would be six 13yo’s on their stomachs peering into an apt. buildings basement windows, all totally silent so as not to give the game away.- they knew the steaks. There were times when one group of young boys would be heading over to watch were met by another group headed back from doing the same. Very understandably, this woman quickly became known as The Hooker.
There were some neighbourhood nicknames that seemed repetitive: We had several Booies and one Aboo. There were several neighbourhood nicknames that were phrases: Heymanbecool was a Greek guy who lived near Big Man. Must have been on of his favourite sayings. Another kid got the tag Remain Neutral when a note asking him to do just that in the shifting alliances of the after school Dungeon and Dragons game was intercepted and read out loud by a teacher. And there were some neighbourhood nicknames that seemed to come from the country: Froggy, Mouse , Squirrel, Oats, Straw and Piggy, and Muscrat .
The neighbourhoods Royal Family of Nicknames comes from one family who traded rough in them. The dad was Big D. , supposedly because he was a big dick to the neighbourhood kids. The name came from some hooligans on that block- I always thought he was cool. The oldest brother was a perfect Stosh , although some claim he was also called Whopper . Big guy back then. The middle brother somehow got the name Shavid or Shave as it rhymed with his first name. This I always thought was the best name in the whole family. Later his rough skin gave rise to the alternative Gator . Ouch. And then the youngest, when young, asked for a ‘gink’ of water- he was forever Gink or Ginker , except later in life when he became Schla . Gink is better. I wonder- did the mom have any name?
And there were other neighbourhood kids outside this family who also got multiple names. One kid was called Woji as his most popular name, but he could also becalled Waju, Wojo, Little Woj, and Pepper. However, I think I got him beat. Above I have name checked myself with Adolph, Hitler, Ades, Michael Palin, and Orange Cap , and here is one more not mentioned:
There was a guy who never had any money and was forever flinching last fries off frenz plates; he was known as Mooch .
However, I will throw Pepper a bone. To give him the last word, here are his, edited but a bit:
“Some of you guys older than me might not know __, graduated from Rita H.S. in 8_ and lived on 60th and California but he was referred to as: Happy Boy . Kind of strange.. Everyone calls him this.. Mom, Dad, sisters, friends... Even in normal conversation.. Like, ‘Hi Happy Boy ...what are you doing tonight Happy Boy ?... pass the salt Happy Boy , etc..’ ”
There was a guy who had hair in the style of Rod Stewart circa 1978 and the last name of Richards; he was known as Rod Richards. There was a guy who lived in an alley house and had long dirty fingernails on the ends of his weirdly scarred arms; he was known as The Lighthouse Man. There was a kid who carried most of his prodigious weight around his midsection; he was known as The Bigman.
Famous names abounded. Some were named because they resembled famous people; I went to high school with Joe Montana, Michael Palin, and The Fonz. Others were so named just cause it sounded rite; grammar school included Hitler, El Greco and Mick Guinness. Blotto lived on California.
But listen: it wasn't just boys who got names. There was a girl whose reputation was, shall we say, delightfully challenged; she was known as Grab Bag. There was the Little Sister to a girl Hilts had a really big crush on in 7th and 8th Grade; she was known as Splinks. Spur of the moment tagging going on back there, I do declare. And, of course, there were The Silo Sisters. Silo why? Silo no why.
There was a guy seriously off who always went around asking for cigarettes; he was known as Tony Moke, although some called him Tony the Moke . There was a kid who jets and army stuff; he was called Adolph or Ades for short. There was a deeply delusional dude who was certain he was some sort of priest and walked around wearing mad amounts of buttons of popes, bishops, and priests; he was famously feted as Father Bob.
Teachers and coaches got names. I had Vindow for fourth grade and Bubba for ninth. I had Skippy for science and track. One of my football coaches was Smelly Guster. And speaking of sports, I played football with Head and Doe Doe, ran on the track that had w/ Orange Cap, and still compete in trivia with the Flying Toothpick and Big Tit .
And other girls got names. There was a girl who had cavewoman like features; she was known as Dawn of Man. There was one girl with the rep of being spoiled as shit: she was known as Spoiled Milk. And then there was Brenda get your belt, presumably because ..........um...........shit, I dunno.
There was two sets of twins. The girl set were like whisps of air growing up. They were wonderfully known as The Skinny Minnies. The boys were called ……………… em……… well, alright…………… The Twins It had a logic to its own.
All sorts of literary devices were used in nicknames. Goose G. and Tommy T. and Pauly Pavillion were exceptional examples of alliteration, while Chris Piss and Jill Dill (aka Dildo) great showcases for internal rhyme. Throw the Skinny Minnies in that category too. Given time, I bet I could find that JJK and EZD are grammatical somethings.
There was one unfortunate woman lived in a garden apartment. She was regularly visited by crowds of horny boys who were attracted to this not-that -attractive woman simply because they could look down into her apartment and spyglass. Cold days, hot days, autumn afternoons, summer nites--hell, it coud have been miserable pouring freezing rain days if she was wearing something rite- there were organized treks to the viewing windows. There, right on the street, would be six 13yo’s on their stomachs peering into an apt. buildings basement windows, all totally silent so as not to give the game away.- they knew the steaks. There were times when one group of young boys would be heading over to watch were met by another group headed back from doing the same. Very understandably, this woman quickly became known as The Hooker.
There were some neighbourhood nicknames that seemed repetitive: We had several Booies and one Aboo. There were several neighbourhood nicknames that were phrases: Heymanbecool was a Greek guy who lived near Big Man. Must have been on of his favourite sayings. Another kid got the tag Remain Neutral when a note asking him to do just that in the shifting alliances of the after school Dungeon and Dragons game was intercepted and read out loud by a teacher. And there were some neighbourhood nicknames that seemed to come from the country: Froggy, Mouse , Squirrel, Oats, Straw and Piggy, and Muscrat .
The neighbourhoods Royal Family of Nicknames comes from one family who traded rough in them. The dad was Big D. , supposedly because he was a big dick to the neighbourhood kids. The name came from some hooligans on that block- I always thought he was cool. The oldest brother was a perfect Stosh , although some claim he was also called Whopper . Big guy back then. The middle brother somehow got the name Shavid or Shave as it rhymed with his first name. This I always thought was the best name in the whole family. Later his rough skin gave rise to the alternative Gator . Ouch. And then the youngest, when young, asked for a ‘gink’ of water- he was forever Gink or Ginker , except later in life when he became Schla . Gink is better. I wonder- did the mom have any name?
And there were other neighbourhood kids outside this family who also got multiple names. One kid was called Woji as his most popular name, but he could also becalled Waju, Wojo, Little Woj, and Pepper. However, I think I got him beat. Above I have name checked myself with Adolph, Hitler, Ades, Michael Palin, and Orange Cap , and here is one more not mentioned:
There was a guy who never had any money and was forever flinching last fries off frenz plates; he was known as Mooch .
However, I will throw Pepper a bone. To give him the last word, here are his, edited but a bit:
“Some of you guys older than me might not know __, graduated from Rita H.S. in 8_ and lived on 60th and California but he was referred to as: Happy Boy . Kind of strange.. Everyone calls him this.. Mom, Dad, sisters, friends... Even in normal conversation.. Like, ‘Hi Happy Boy ...what are you doing tonight Happy Boy ?... pass the salt Happy Boy , etc..’ ”
4 comments:
Dawn of Man! I let out a guilty laugh on that one.
My friend has a boss that was being a real pain for awhile... he referred to this boss as 'The Big Stink' -- I still use this for people who are constantly stirring up shit/making a pointless fuss.
my vote for Best Blog Entry ever.
I remember being at the top of a slide (a curly one, with the hooded top), somewhere in Elgin, when I was about 6 or 7, and some kid was right in front of me. So somebody on the ground calls up to the kid: "hey, rocky!". and I pause and say to the kid, "hey, that's my nickname!" and the kid says, "nuh-uh! you're a liar!" and so we tumbled off the slide and got into a fight, which, needless to say, I lost.
I had read that entry and concur with the comment that it was best blog entry thusfar. I've even printed it out for Bill to read. Was considering tossing in a comment that would include FASB nicknames but decided against it.
Post a Comment