I'd told my captains - from months ago -that this is my first time doing this, i'm gonna do the rite thing and try to make this like Nek and Lek and Lit and etc etc etc etc etc and all that. On Friday I had my second massive crisis of confidence in myself - and I've reflected on it - consulted the books, the Good Book, song, spirit, wondered what my hero Heinrich (honcho of all of them involved in Nek HS soccer- and yes, a hero of mine) would do (and yes, W.W. (another hero of mine). D. ? - and rocked jagger and the stones LOUD for the first time in a bit - and, wrapped up finally w/drinx @ Lanigans (new bartender now knows us and our drinx and the correct proportion) and Gf next to me, I finally figured a good solution - but more importantly, insite - for the team.
I'd been pondering on about the girls wanting to run more and me wanting them to play more, and then it hit me. The big insite was this:
as much as I want to create a program here @ this school, and how hugely important that is to me, and all that other usual Hilts-as-Christ self aggrandisement - and its as important as life to me - it's ....... maybe ......... even more important to these Varsity girls.
The insite stunned me - I really really thought the sun shines out of my backside when i became the head of the program* - look @ me, I coached @ Nek under Heinrich and I was @ Lit under R & R - I know it all and look what i'm gonna do and all that - Wasn't I the one to be here for the next 20y and turn this program into one of the best in the world? LOOK AT ME !!!
And now I know that it wasn't me need ing to pus them - they are the ones pushing me. I know that now and accept it - and will use it for us. Again - the varsity has been playing to-gether since they were freshmen - this is the fourth year they are to-gether - and their last. They have a long history before I ever came onto the sence. I have to get to know them much much more - and they have to get to know me. So, now I know that they won't fucking hate running -they all want to (that's the varsity - not JV or freshmen teams). They all want to train on the weights. So - I have to seriously get some running in and some weight training in. I've spent some of yesterday and today studying the books on it. I'm gonna fax/email Jackson some workout plans / pictures of our weight room and get his take on what we should do (combined w/ a weight specialist @ our school - some football coach, im sure - as well because they know the kids bodies maybe better than M.D. Ar-nald). Lets do it. The girls want running on Mondays, more on Wednesdays, and then acceded to my demands of soccer on Fridays. Both distance and forced sprints. We'll work out a schedule. Lifting maybe twice a week till the season starts, then some more during (?). And exercises on weekends now and in season (short stretches and maybe a mile each on Sat and Sunday)
And another insite. I have two captains, and now I know that both are to be listened to. I underestimated the support that one had. She's a little different and a bit harder to talk to then the other one. Good hard working kid, but a little distant to me. That's ok. But I think it lead to me going totally through the other one (first girl, as she is now named to keep them straight for you)for important matters - she has tremendous authority in the squad- and generally just giving lipp service to the other (second girl) one. However - now I know - that both captains are to be treated equally. I have learned. There is more to learn. But, w/ work, I am again confident that I m ready to do what I can. Time is lost - I know that now - but way time exists still.
I've referenced this before, but that wonderful almost tearful revelation in the movie Patton when George C. Scott tells someone that all his life he's wanted to lead a lot of men in a desperate battle. And, although it's not men, it's girls - it'ss till a desperate battle. What Patton said? C'est moi. .
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*even notice the term 'head of the program' - yeesh, Lord Hilts.
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