The Law

Say - long time ago, seeing the demise of Jacob (nee Jamie) under the rotted tutelage/tyranny/dictatorship of Der fuhrer, Vito and I were wishing -on one of those non-Ithaca phone calls from several years ago - that the two of them could be sat down w/ a real biblical scholar to shift through Der fuhrers funny claims.

Well - after a year on the job, I AM THAT SCHOLAR NOW. I finally got the breakthrough that kinda runs riot through that guys jibbering. It involved the Jewish Law.

So - what is the Jewish Law? By my understanding, early in the Old Testament there are a massive series of various laws that Jews have to keep. They are legion- here is a sampling from a quick wiki search from just one of the books -Leviticus:

Laws concerning idolatry, the slaughter of animals, dead animals, and the consumption of blood (Leviticus 17)
Laws concerning sexual conduct - incest, bestiality, and most notably homosexuality among men, laws concerning sorcery, and moloch (Leviticus 18, and also Leviticus 20, in which penalties are given)
Laws concerning molten gods, peace-offerings, scraps of the harvest, fraud, the deaf, blind, elderly, and poor, poisoning the well, hate, sex with slaves, self harm, shaving, prostitution, sabbaths, sorcery, familiars, strangers, and just weights and measure (Leviticus 19)
Laws concerning priestly conduct, and prohibitions against the disabled, ill, and superfluously blemished, from becoming priests, or becoming sacrifices, for descendants of Aaron, and animals, respectively (Leviticus 21-22)
Laws concerning the observation of the annual feasts, and the sabbath, (Leviticus 23)
Laws concerning the altar of incense (Leviticus 24:1-9)
The case law lesson of a blasphemer being stoned to death, and other applications of the death penalty (Leviticus 24:10-23), including anyone having "a familiar ghost or spirit", a child insulting its parents (Leviticus 20), and a special case for prostitution (burning them alive) (Leviticus 21)
Laws concerning the Sabbath, Jubilee years and slavery., (Leviticus 25).
A hortatory conclusion to the section, giving promises regarding obedience to these commandments, and warnings and threats for those that might disobey them, including sending wild animals to devour their children. (Leviticus 26:22)

That's just a very small sample. It goes on and on. Here are some of different ones listed out - watch it!! The point is, when one talks about "The Law" in the Bible - and Jesus talks a lot about it, as does St. Paul - this is what they are talking about - the Laws that one had to live by to be considered holy. It is not the Roman laws of the time, or the laws of gravity, or the laws of soccer. Those who lead their lives by the LETTER of the law but were not really living by THE SPIRIT OF THE LAW were considered hypocrites by Jesus. Again and again, jesus says that the Laws were made for man, and not man for the Law. So, it is against the Law to WORK on the Sabbath. However, some of his disciples were hungry, and when they were walking through a wheat field, some of them ate a bit of the wheat tops. When the "Holy" ones saw this, they said that they were sinning because they worked on the Sabbath. Jesus said, basically - Dudes - my boys were hungry, and we had to eat - the Law was made for man......"

So, after Jesus was killed, St. Paul became one of the major Christian missionaries. However, he found especially fruitful pickings in the gentiles - the Non jews. These non Jews who wanted to become Christians never lived under the Law, and they rally didn't want to. However, some backward looking Christians - Jacob, Jesus brother was among them - were making these gentiles convert to Judaism before they were allowed to become Christians. This meant - YIKKKKKKES _ that they had to be circumcised (as well as not hang w/ their family, etc etc etc - lots of ruff stiff). St. Paul was like "What the fuck? They shouldn't have to become Jews first to become Christians finally. If one wants to be a Christian, one neededt need to love under the Law." There was a huge debate, then, among the two schools of thought before a compromise was reached @ the Council of Jeresulem . No cutting, thank God.

So - the Law, as written about by Paul - is a very easily understood concept. VERY EASY. And unfortunately for Der Feurher, he misunderstood what was being said . And double misfortune - he has based his WHOLE WORLD VIEW ON THIS LAUGHABLE MISUNDERSTANDING. He takes The Law to be the laws of the state, or the rules of the road, or whatever - he takes it that Jesus came to rescue us from the Law, he thinks that we can go killing and raping and murdering and cheating and all of that - because, well, that is what the Law is to him.

It'll take a long time to convince university trained Jacob - trained under Marvin Rosen, no less - of this little misunderstanding - but Der Feurhers whole worldview is contained here - so I'm imagining the wars to come over Jacobs soul in the days to come.

Der Feurher is a very sick dude - well, slow, or whatever - and we do feel sorry for him. But Not so sorry to try to rescue my boy from that paralyzed thought process.

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I have run this before, but here are some of the funny Laws - which have you broken, and what was yer punishment??:

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? (I'm pretty sure she's a virgin).

3. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

4. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

5. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Aren't there 'degrees' of abomination?

6. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

7. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

8. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

9. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. It must be really great to be on such close terms with God and his son, ... even better than you and your own Dad, eh?

J. Kent Ashcroft (and others).