written by Lazers
names edited by Hilts
J&B made its debut at Ballydoyle trivia night in Downers Grove, a non-Benkowski barnstorming tour to begin defense of its championship season. The frigid evening led the team into an inviting, crowded bar that even included several women. The large stage advertised the trivia event, hosted by Sharon. Unfortunately, it turns out that our host wasn’t Sharon, unless she’s a guy with a van dyke. Although he didn’t particularly look or act like Tom Green, that’s the name I’m going to use for him, as I could picture the actual Tom Green hosting Ballydoyle trivia night.
J&B represented by: Moho, Chemical Man, Nevin and Lazers
The competition: was over 20 teams, most who tried to come up with some creative, if lengthy, names. As Tom Green was going over the roll call of teams to see where they sat in the bar, I heard the name “Asian Schoolgirls”. That phrase acts like a dog whistle for me, and I was furious to find it belonged to a couple of guys. My anger flared each time it was heard throughout the night.
The game was similar to the format used in Groucho’s. Teams were given small sheets of paper and a pencil, and answers were written (along with the team name) on a question-by-question basis. Tom Green would start by reading the incorrect answers then rattle off the names of the teams that had it correct.
Although there was not an entry fee, it was announced that the winning team would get a $40 gift certificate to Ballydoyle. J&B assumes the gift certificate would be valid starting the next day and expire before the next trivia night.
Tom Green doesn’t seem to aspire to be the next Pat Benkowski as much as he seems to aspire to be a stand-up comic or morning radio personality. A trivia event scheduled for only 17 questions should not take 3 ½ hours to play, nor should it begin with an opening monologue.
Before the game started, Tom Green points out that, if a team does not know an answer within the first few seconds, it is unlikely they will come up with the correct answer. Thus, come up with something quickly, and raunchy input was encouraged. Also, for some specified questions, teams were given only 60 seconds to hand in their answer.
Round One: will feature 10 questions, with the first question a repeat from the prior week, in order to reward teams who were here last time.
What is the caliber of gun used by Dirty Harry?
What is the famous wax museum found in London, New York and other major cities?
What is the reason Toyota is suspending sales of 8 models of cars that were recalled?
What is the Pope the bishop of (60-second question)?
What two people stand behind the President during the State of the Union?
From 1973 until his death in 1983, Muddy Waters called what Chicago suburb home?
What two countries not in Central America make up its north and south borders?
In the “Smurfs”, what was the name of Gargamel’s cat?
Which Academy Award nominee for Best Picture, taking place in the Vietnam era, featured Harrison Ford and Laurence Fishburne (60-second question)?
What professional baseball player played a game in his socks due to blisters?
A long break split the rounds, as the smokers gathered in the glacial conditions for a toke, and someone asks Ogie Ogilthorpe if they can buy him a coke after the game.
Round Two: will feature 7 questions, each worth the same as the questions in the first round.
Specifically, in what city would one find the Sunset Strip?
Who is the current Speaker of the House (60-second question)?
If one was at a concert and saw Robby Krieger, Ray Manzarek and John Densmore onstage waiting for the 4th member, what band is that person seeing?
What is a baked cake with an egg yolk based custard and egg white meringue?
How many books are in the Harry Potter series?
Where would one find the largest church in the United States? For extra credit: what is its name?
Who said: “Earth has music for those who listen”?
Another long break split the rounds, and for the umpteenth time tonight, I’m sure we heard the Jägerbomb song. For this bit, Tom Green would receive a Jägerbomb purchased by one of the teams. The song (more of a toast, really) usually started with him banging on his microphone. A person or two in the bar would join in by banging their table. Tom Green made the toast (which included a bit of audience participation) and downed the bomb. This activity was encouraged and was a nice way for Tom Green to scam free drinks.
Round Three: will feature 1 question. Teams can wager as many of their current points as they want. At this time, the scores of teams actually trying sounded to range between 7 and 14 points. J&B had only 9 points, definitely in the lower portion of the group. A team named Gangbang had zero points because each of their answers was in the form of a joke, usually raunchy. Apparently, Gangbang has been doing this same bit for a good three years, thus accumulating a career total of zero points.
J&B decides to wager all of its 9 points.
What did the crocodile swallow in “Peter Pan”?
Tiebreaker Round: Tom Green is ill prepared for the 3-team tie and scours his computer for a good question from a past trivia night in order to break it. The tiebreaker is for the three leaders only:
How many legs does a lobster have?
Tiebreaker Round Two: After all three teams get the above answer incorrect, Tom Green again must scour for a past question to break the tie:
What is the radius of a circle if the circumference is 6280?
Gentlemen?
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