Many famous retreats in history. Rommel from El- Alamein, 2000k miles in 1942. Napoleon from Moscow in 1813, w. Ney leading the rearguard. Americans in that initial rush in Korea, the summer and fall of 1950. Washington and the Americans running from the british from boston all the way to Valley Forge.
It's waht i feel rite now. In many ways, im undergoing a giagantic retrerat from life. It's happening - I really feel that in many ways i'm just wasting time until away 'till there is no time left (aging stylr). Killing time. Wasting away.
I'll amidt it - there are SOME places where there is somethins positive. Coaching, fex: last spring coaching the girl JV we had a pretty good positive attitude, and I really began to fel more confident in hat I was doing there. Need lots of help, still, from the othjer coaches - but on a good road. Now, w. boys JV in the Fall, those positive steps continue. @ least i have some worth.
Romance, as well. There is a girl, and we've been hanging out. Fully i know she diggs me, and this is greast. I still have holes in me from Gf, but fully realise that that was then and now is now. So, these nacesent steps are good.
Oh, and the whole music thing. "Cafeteria Christ" being the obvious cover star of the Gary lp. Self taught recoreded lessons proceeding slowly - but fun to add a horn to my tiny capabilities. Verse part of "Gary's broad collection" almost making me happy. Lynx betwixrt "Miss Him" and the overture. Extremely nice demo of that one untitled 'happysongaboutmeetinggaryfromanackolytespov' that popped up a few weeks ago jamming w. a 8yrold @ Snowdens. Good stuff.
But, everywhere else - runation. I have two things I have to do - but I feel Im failing @ these asa well. One is MOm. Since I'm home all the time, it's my job to take care of her mainly (sisters do a little, sister.4 more that the others, but...). And there is Bolo. W/out me, they would put this life to sleep. So, therev are compelling reasonns to live.
But, in all honesty, I really feel that if Mom and Bolo were gone, there there really is no point to whatever. Wait - i dont want to be too omnious and scarey and threatening: you dont have to worry - it's just im not motivated by much anymore - and if they go, all motivation goes. They go, and I stare @ the wall fro the rest of my life.
Unemployment. Killing me. Terrified that I will never be hired again, and that would be a deep shame. At this point, I really feeling that I'll never teach again.
Unemployment - it's killing me spirit. Again.
So, what I need to do is channel Ney. Manage the rearguard hheroically. Stop the bleeding. Fight that the main body can make it's retreat and insure a future where my forces cab again be applied to offensive battle.
But, again, rite now it's full and terrible retreat.
It's waht i feel rite now. In many ways, im undergoing a giagantic retrerat from life. It's happening - I really feel that in many ways i'm just wasting time until away 'till there is no time left (aging stylr). Killing time. Wasting away.
I'll amidt it - there are SOME places where there is somethins positive. Coaching, fex: last spring coaching the girl JV we had a pretty good positive attitude, and I really began to fel more confident in hat I was doing there. Need lots of help, still, from the othjer coaches - but on a good road. Now, w. boys JV in the Fall, those positive steps continue. @ least i have some worth.
Romance, as well. There is a girl, and we've been hanging out. Fully i know she diggs me, and this is greast. I still have holes in me from Gf, but fully realise that that was then and now is now. So, these nacesent steps are good.
Oh, and the whole music thing. "Cafeteria Christ" being the obvious cover star of the Gary lp. Self taught recoreded lessons proceeding slowly - but fun to add a horn to my tiny capabilities. Verse part of "Gary's broad collection" almost making me happy. Lynx betwixrt "Miss Him" and the overture. Extremely nice demo of that one untitled 'happysongaboutmeetinggaryfromanackolytespov' that popped up a few weeks ago jamming w. a 8yrold @ Snowdens. Good stuff.
But, everywhere else - runation. I have two things I have to do - but I feel Im failing @ these asa well. One is MOm. Since I'm home all the time, it's my job to take care of her mainly (sisters do a little, sister.4 more that the others, but...). And there is Bolo. W/out me, they would put this life to sleep. So, therev are compelling reasonns to live.
But, in all honesty, I really feel that if Mom and Bolo were gone, there there really is no point to whatever. Wait - i dont want to be too omnious and scarey and threatening: you dont have to worry - it's just im not motivated by much anymore - and if they go, all motivation goes. They go, and I stare @ the wall fro the rest of my life.
Unemployment. Killing me. Terrified that I will never be hired again, and that would be a deep shame. At this point, I really feeling that I'll never teach again.
Unemployment - it's killing me spirit. Again.
So, what I need to do is channel Ney. Manage the rearguard hheroically. Stop the bleeding. Fight that the main body can make it's retreat and insure a future where my forces cab again be applied to offensive battle.
But, again, rite now it's full and terrible retreat.
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